One of the biggest concerns I hear from parents is crying during lessons. Having gone through aquatic survival lessons when my son was 1 and my daughter was 3, I completely understand how parents feel! It can be difficult to watch our children be unhappy in the water. However, be assured that crying during the first couple of weeks is totally normal and usually subsides or drastically lessens around week 2.
As parents, we like to avoid putting them in situations where there may be tears. For example, during bath time we are extra careful to not get water in their face while rinsing their hair because they complain, or from practicing putting their face in the water in the pool because they simply don't want to and we just want them to "have fun". By constantly avoiding putting their face in the water, they never get a chance to explore outside of their comfort zones, even when it's ultimately beneficial to them.
That being said, during lessons we are asking them to go outside their comfort zone (albeit in small steps day-by-day) so we will expect a little (or even a lot) of resistance as they try new things. Some kids will acclimate faster than others, and some kids may be less than enthused during the entirety of lessons. Especially in the first weeks, there are so many new things to take in: I am a stranger and haven't established a relationship with them, they might be in the water for the first time without floatation devices or without a parent, they had a bad experience with the water and are bringing emotions from that experience, they've watched and heard parents or caregivers talk in a "scary" way about the water. All of these things come into play and are acted out in their emotions, especially in the first few weeks.
Thanks to social media and a lack of context about what aquatic survival lessons entail, children who cry during lessons are usually deemed scared or traumatized by the experience. However, as parents we know that children cry for all sorts of reasons: hunger, tiredness, frustration, sadness, separation anxiety, new experiences, overwhelming stimuli, defiance, anxiety, fear, and surprises. It's also worth noting that a lot of videos circulating on social media that claim to be survival lessons are not being taught by certified instructors and often engage in dangerous practices that we would never put a child in, like long or aggressive submersion intervals and forced burping. I will never just throw your child into the water! That being said, there are children who are truly terrified of the water, and we work with them closely and slowly to make sure we are managing those emotions as best we can. Some parents may also be dealing with their own internalized trauma from water accidents they or loved ones have experienced (please talk to me beforehand if you are!), which can make lessons even more difficult for both parent and child.
However, we have to remind ourselves why we are teaching our children these skills. Drowning is silent and fast. 88% of childhood drownings happen in the presence of an adult. It takes less than 30 seconds for a 30 lb child to lose consciousness without air. A lapse in supervision is not a lack of supervision. You can do everything in your power to protect them, but drownings happen because all layers of protection have failed (pool fences were unsecured, adults were distracted, pool alarms were not armed, doors and doggy doors were unlocked).
Some of you know the story of my own daughter's non-fatal drowning accident and that drowning is quick and noiseless. Having our children be a bit upset (or even a lot upset!) during lessons is well worth having those life-saving skills in their back pocket if they were to ever need them. Many families who have lost children to drowning (including instructors) can attest to this; they would have rather heard their child crying while learning to self-rescue than not have the skills at all. However, in addition to learning these valuable skills, we also want to show each child that they can play and be confident swimmers while remaining safe!
So, what can you do to prepare your child for lessons:
Be positive and don't talk about lessons excessively! We ask parents to treat daily lessons as if it were nightly teeth brushing. It takes a few minutes, and it's done! We can move on with our day! No big deal! Also, we wouldn't stop brushing our teeth just because a child cries about it nightly. Just like we also wouldn't stop buckling our children into their car seats just because they cry every time.
Watch how you or family members talk about lessons. If you are constantly saying things like, "I know you're scared about lessons, but we have to do this!" "You are such a brave kid!" Or, if you talk on the phone with friends and often say things like, "My child is just so scared of lessons! They've been crying for a week. I feel so bad!" your child will hear those words and internalize them. They will think that there is a reason for them to be brave, because being brave means they must be confronting something very scary. This is especially true for kids whose parents are also uncomfortable or have anxiety or trauma around water. It's one thing to acknowledge your child's emotions, but we don't want them internalizing fears needlessly. I feel your pain though, parents, I truly do! This was something I had to overcome when my children were in lessons, so I sympathize that it's not as easy as it seems! Please also do not promise your child that we won't go underwater in lessons. Learning how to get their faces wet and hold their breath is paramount to learning how to swim safely. It also makes my job more difficult because it makes it harder for me to gain your child's trust.
Give encouragement and praise for specific accomplishments. At the end of the lesson, instead of saying, "That wasn't so bad!", "That wasn't so scary!," "I know it was scary, but you did it.", say "Wow! Your back float looked amazing!", "You kicked so hard you splashed Mrs. Stephanie!", "You swam all the way to the bar by yourself like a mermaid!", "You got your face wet all by yourself!"
Practice in the bathtub. Have your children practice putting their chin or their ears in the water in the bathtub. Make a little game out of it. Have them take a doll or toy and have them place the doll's ears, nose, hair in the water. If you are washing their hair, practice getting a little water on their face. Say, "Oops! Look at that! You got some water in your face but you were fine! How silly!" and show them how to wipe their face strongly with their hands. However, please do not practice blowing bubbles in the water!
It's also worth noting that children are resilient! They can handle small challenges, and during lessons I am always looking for ways to positively reinforce your children and encourage and congratulate them on even the smallest skill so that we can build up their confidence right from the beginning! As always, if you have any questions or would like to chat about anything, I am here for you and your child. I want this to be a positive and encouraging experience for your whole family. I am so looking forward to working with all of these wonderful students and watching them develop into confident, safe swimmers!
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